“I read the news today oh boy . . .

. . . four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.”*

We have to wonder what The Beatles would have made of the news, that Cheshire East is the most-potholed authority in the country.

But Cheshire East councillors are unhappy, well join the club boys.

Councillor Mark Goldsmith, chair of Cheshire East Council’s highways and transport committee, has responded to national news claims that Cheshire East has 17,197 potholes – and is the most pot-holed authority in the country.

Cllr Goldsmith said: “Thankfully, Cheshire East does not have 17,197 potholes as incorrectly reported in a recent national newspaper. Instead, at the time of this article appearing, we had 550 defects. This is across a network of almost 1,680 miles (2,700kms).

We’d suggest Cllr Goldsmith takes a drive down Oxford Road. We’re confident that if he counted every single pothole in Oxford Road – rather than grouping them all together – the total would probable be in excess of the 550 being admitted to – and that’s for the whole of Cheshire East!

Cllr Goldsmith continued: “Last year, we fixed over 35,000 potholes, and the 550 represent a normal number that we could expect to be assessing. There will of course always be enquiries in the system waiting to be processed but we believe the discrepancy is due to the way reports have been showing on Fix My Street.

“The council will soon be moving away from Fix My Street though and will be launching a new online tool. It will allow residents to easily report a wider variety of issues like potholes, fallen trees, abandoned vehicles and fly-tipping within their community. It will also more accurately record the number of potholes we have too!”

Ah, so there you have it. Fix My Street is so accurate but the council are unable to manipulate the figures – so they’re setting up their own ‘fixer’ to ‘fix’ the stats, And, consider, he’s saying they fixed 35,000 last year, but there are only 550 remaining. Can this guy count?

Cllr Goldsmith added: “More details will be announced about this in the coming weeks.”

No doubt when they’ve decided what solution they can come up with that will provide the opportunity to cover their inadequacies.

Cllr Goldsmith added: “We absolutely understand the frustration that potholes cause to our residents though and we’re working effectively to tackle them and are currently putting together our investment programme for 2025/26.

“We’re not alone in facing this challenge, with councils across the country battling with this same issue.

“We are using our limited budgets in the best possible way and ensuring that investment made on repairing roads is done using the right treatment, at the right place, at the right time.”

But don’t worry fellow citizens of Macc, this time next year Cheshire East, in debt to the tune of £100 million, will be joining forces with Cheshire West, currently £156 million in debt and Warrington Council, currently £2 billion in debt.

What could possibly go wrong?

*I read the news today, oh boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall
I’d love to turn you on.
A Day in the Life, The Beatles, 1967